How's Costa Rica? I hear they don't have an army. You need to watch your back. When Nicaragua invades you are SCREWED. I'm crossing my fingers that it doesn't happen but my sources at the Pentagon are seldom wrong, except when they said they didn't know who sent the assassin. But I figured that one out pretty quickly. You should've killed me when you had the chance, CIA.
We haven't talked in a while and I wanted to reach out to you because this weekend was formal. I bet you've heard about it by now - we went to Memphis and had the dance on a river boat named The Queen Mary. David Lee ripped his pants, right down the outside of his thigh. Everyone saw it.
The boat provided a DJ. Two DJ's, in fact. One was fifty with grey hair and glasses, and the other - the one who I think would have been your favorite - was in his forties and maybe a hundred pounds overweight, and wore a beret. He knew his music, though, but he kept asking us to shout if we were having a good time. This would have been fine, but he sounded like a Speak and Spell.
David Lee wore this nice three piece blue suit; it all fit very well except the pants, which were beyond skin tight. They clung to his muscle tissue. After dinner he told me he was going to disappear for a half hour with his date and buy new pants. I said the number four rule of functions is never change pants. I'll be honest, Mike: I made that up. On the spot. But I lie to him all the time so I don't think he cares anymore.
They ripped down the outside seam of his right thigh. A big hole, maybe six inches long. It appeared like a magical snake while we were dancing inside this boat. Afterwards, when we went to IHOP in inner city Memphis, he kept his hand in the tear pretending it was a pocket. He got cat called by all the people standing in line outside the restaurant at 3 a.m. It was a huge line. There were no other BYX guys there, but there were several other dances in Memphis that night. I guess they all wore tall t's to their proms.
(David Lee is the only one in a blue suit. He stands next to me. I made the picture large hoping you could see the rip, but I don't think it's there yet.)
Last year we had maybe 40 plus members go to Kansas City for formal. It wasn't that important to the chapter. This year we had 240 people on that boat. We're growing, Mike! It's exciting. And the real reason I'm sending you this is because during the spring semester of my sophomore year, when I studied abroad like you, this past weekend was the most depressing weekend of those four months. I knew everyone was at formal while I was reading books in my bathroom (the bedroom light was out and I didn't feel like changing it). I wanted you to know that while formal was fun, David Lee's pants ripped, and so some people's formal wasn't as fun as you might imagine it. Think of how embarrassed David Lee is now that everyone saw his upper thigh. So don't sweat it. There will be more formals. And change your lightbulbs. And don't steal toilet paper from restaurants because you've run out.
Sincerely,
Cass Trumbo
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