I Call it a Cheeseburger Tie

I have an interview with Teach for America on Wednesday. In it, I have execute a five minute lesson plan, teaching the eleven other interviewees and two interviewers something from my field of study. I'm teaching on a Philip K. Dick short story called "Imposter." The story is about a scientist who is accused of being a robot saboteur and has to prove his innocence, only in the end to be revealed as in fact a robot. He explodes. Everyone dies.

I'm feeling really good about my presentation. I have handouts.

I had to leave Fayetteville today, however, because of the snow. It's snowing everywhere. The Weather Channel looks like someone erased all the maps. If I wanted to make it to the interview in Dallas, I had to leave early. Passing through McAlester, OK, I stopped at a Wendy's to get lunch. It was snowing there too. As I pulled out, I saw a homeless man with a sign asking for food. I was at a stoplight, and I had two cheeseburgers, and so I said, "My lesson plan may not be math orientated, but this makes sense."

Timeout here: I don't usually do this. Don't think I'm a good person. I'm not. I used to kick my dog, before she died of old age. She was a lazy dog.

My car is a standard; since I was parked on a hill, I had to turn off my car to make sure it didn't roll backwards. And I had to move fast - I had to deliver the food and get back in the car before the light turned green.

I was in such a hurry that I jumped out of the car without the cheeseburger. When I realized this, I opened the door and grabbed a burger by the wrapper, but as I pulled it out of the bag, the contents - buns, meat, pickles, onion, et cetera - floated away. These things fell on my suit. That I'm wearing for my Teach for America interview.

The clock was ticking. I put the burger back together, except for the onion, which I held free in my other hand, for some reason. I walked slowly to the homeless man. He looked at me expectantly. All I could think to say was, "It's a double stack." And I handed him the cheeseburger.

Getting back into my car, I pointed at my suit and said "You did this to me." He laughed maniacally and turned into a dragon. The rest of the trip was pretty normal.