Let's Talk About Pink

Today I got my car back from the Fayetteville Auto Park. I took it there last Friday and told the customer service manager that there was a demon trapped in the engine of my civic. He laughed, and then asked me, really, what is the problem. And I said, that's all I can tell you. When I drive, it sounds like one piece of metal being drug slowly across another. It's the sound of a demon.

It was actually the sound of my brake pad indicators, which, coincidentally, sound exactly like a demon. Whose fault is that? Mr. Honda. Wherever he is. Probably now it's the fault of his descendants, because he's most likely dead. Or the humanoid robots they've built. Now there are truly demons trapped inside of those.

After I picked up my car, I was flipping through the Top 40 type radio stations, trying to hear the Black Eyed Pea's "Meet Me Halfway" again - that song lights a fire in my soul - when I came across the new Pink song, titled, "Please Don't Leave Me." Here is the chorus:

Please don't leave me

Please don't leave me

I always say how I don't need you

But it's always gonna come back to this

Please don't leave me

Now, for all the Pink connoisseurs who read my blog (and I'm sure both of you are), these lyrics will immediately recall Pink's previous hit single, "So What":

So what?

I'm still a rock star

I've got my rock moves

And I don't need you

If I was going to draw a Venn Diagram (and I say going to, because I can't figure out how), the space in the middle where the circles unite would have only the words "I don't need you." Other than that, the lyrics to both songs would not only be completely in their separate circles, they would be hugging the edges and throwing knives at one another.

Before we move quickly to judge Pink, we must remember that her choruses also cover material such as this:

This used to be a funhouse

Now it's full of evil clowns

It's time to start the countdown

I'm gonna burn it down

Holy Hell (yes, that's where the car demon now lives). I don't know what happened to Pink, or what road show kidnapped her and what things she was forced to witness, but someone get her a therapist who has absolutely no connection to the circus. Also, this countdown sits directly between ambiguity and terror, so that I don't know if she's just exacting vengeance against the clowns or if somehow she thinks I'm involved, too. I'm not, Pink, I swear - I had nothing to do with what happened to the funhouse.

All these songs and more belong to her latest album, Funhouse, which was actually nominated for a Grammy, believe it or not. Apparently the Academy of Recording Arts took her threats seriously, as well. It chronicles her breakup with her husband, motocross star Carey Hart. It was originally titled, Heartbreak is a Motherf**cker, so, you know how that goes.

I really like songs where women get over men, because I think we as an audience are not meant to take the words at face value. It's almost like the artist is writing in a certain way and trusting the audience to read the subtext, namely, how they're not over the breakup. I'm not saying that this only happens to women - I'm sure there are songs like this for men. However, women in fiction are usually the ones who get broken up with, and thus can write these songs.

I think about "Irreplaceable," by Beyonce, where some fool who somehow was blessed with Beyonce cheated on her. Now, we know this is completely fiction, because no one would ever do that, but when Beyonce sings, it sounds more like anger than assertiveness. This is what makes the best fiction - when characters lie, the audience has to call them on it.

My favorite instance of this is Lady GaGa's "Poker Face." Now, she deserves a whole post to herself, but I will say that though this comes out in her song, in Kid Cudi's "I Poke Her Face," it is extremely apparent. In his chorus, they slow down her words, and so when she sings, "He can't read my poker face," it is extremely sad, like Sandy singing "Hopelessly Devoted to You" in Grease.

However, Sandy looks like none of the artists I mentioned above, except at the end of Grease when she turns into Sasha Fierce. Whose picture I inserted, because all of the above girls were not appropriate for Tron McKnight.