I hung out with all levels of college guy that night. I knew no one, besides Matt, and so in order to make friends I would tell every guy that I liked a part of their clothing: their shoes, their vest, their suit. This usually sparked conversation. One guy in an beautiful blue suit with white stripes, Landon, had the suit made for his medical school interviews. Another, Alex, was wearing a vest I had just bought at Target. I made Alex and his roommate Sam honorary BYX, and together with Matt we took a fraternity photo.
My date was blind; she was Matt's girlfriend's big sorority sister. The last blind function date I had was for BYX Roller Disco. Another pledge lined that girl up for me. I abandoned her after the first few songs. It's hard to skate with someone unless they're your girlfriend and you're both in the third grade.
There was a snowball at Roller Disco, where the girls ask the guys to skate with them and hold hands. After I realized what was happening, I skated to my date, who was sitting on a bench on the sidelines. "Let's skate together," I said. "Why?" she asked.
"Because you're my date."
"No I'm not."
And I looked more closely at her, and, the devil take it, she really wasn't my date. I had forgotten what my date looked like. So instead of owning up to this, I skated away backwards, giving a thumbs up. Later, I waited by my car until a girl approached me; I correctly assumed she was my date, and I acted exasperated, demanding to know why she left me.
I told this story to my TU blind date, as an ice breaker while we were slow dancing. At TU functions, there's always a slow dance, or so I deduced from the coolness by which my date handled it. Let me tell you, she took it like a champ when I suggested we slow dance alongside her engaged sorority sisters and those who never stopped grinding. That didn't stop the song from becoming uncomfortable after my third anecdote or so.
Tulsa functions are really more like wedding receptions. It started at 7:30, when all girls and their dates boarded two buses (Chi Omega is total about sixty girls, which is twenty less than the average pledge class of a sorority at Arkansas). We went to a country club thirty minutes away, where there was a coat check, buffet, tables with actual silver ware, and a dance floor the size of two Twister mats.
I knew when the DJ said, "We're going to keep the 80's going with this next one," that he was no DJ Derrick; like the function, he was more of a wedding DJ than a good one. I talked to him once, during a slow part, in order to request some songs. After two or three misses, he told me that this music wasn't really his scene. Now, I have this insatiable desire to know what his scene actually is. My guess: European discoteca.
My freshman year, a few older BYX created a dance routine to the song, "Miss New Booty" by Bubba Sparxxx. Recently, I've decided to bring it back, because I remember it really encouraged fraternal bonding. We used it at Kappa Kissmas. I had a vision that the song would come on at this Tulsa function, and I, the new guy who no one knew, would teach everyone the dance then I would be crowned homecoming king. I'm pretty sure this was a plot device in the 80's. After I realized the DJ wouldn't play this on his own, I requested it (see previous paragraph). This was the following conversation:
ME: Can you play "Miss New Booty"?
DJ: WHAT?
ME: CAN YOU PLAY "MISS NEW BOOTY"?
DJ: I DON'T KNOW THAT SONG.
ME: REALLY? I MEAN, YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES...I FOUND YOU, MISS NEW BOOTY GET IT TOGETHER AND BRING IT BACK TO ME...YOU KNOW...GET IT RIGHT GET IT RIGHT GET IT TIGHT FORGET IT. IT'S NOT WORTH THIS.
The sad thing is, I showed him the dance while I recited the lyrics.
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