It's Intramural Basketball Season Again

On Thursday mornings I meet with a few tenth graders at Rick's Bakery; they are always late. Today I slept till 7, the time when we were supposed to arrive. They still weren't there when I came in. My cousin Gabe was; he and another guy, Nick, always meet at the same time. They get there on time. Or maybe they just get there before I do. I can't imagine when they get up. Probably like 6:30. Vampires are still awake at 6:30; I stay inside until the sun rises.

The guys I meet with are goofballs - they're all clever and odd. Two of them today told me they're playing on Gabe's intramural basketball team. They're very excited - they say the team will be banging. I told them that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I backed that up with the fact that I'm in college. When you're older, you might understand how stupid that phrase is. Or how inflated your preception of my coolness is.

Before Gabe left, he came over to tell me about his game on Saturday. The name of his team is Dangle on 'em. I apologized to my guys and said, Gabe, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm a senior. In the honors college. And I can identify innuendo when I hear it. But he said he didn't know what the phrase meant. We have a full basketball court in our driveway, with two goals and regulation lines painted in white. Apparently, during the summer, random people would stop in and challenge Gabe to basketball. And one Hindu kid, Rumi, had a sick shot and would shout, "Dangle on 'em!"every time the ball went up. Gabe swore to the truth of this story. He said my mom has a picture of it.

When I was a senior, our team was named Da Grillz. We had a .500 winning precentage. We ran a play I called the Hive, where the four players without the ball would surround the point guard and slowly move forward, making a buzzing noise and, if provoked, stinging the other team by slapping them in the face. There was only one fight.

We had a mix tape for warm ups. We had our own jerseys, but we only wore them during the first game, before the Boys and Girls Club made us take them off. That was okay with me. I was the only one who played high school basketball, but David and Bo had previously ironed "C's" over the heart, claiming to be team captains. They weren't captains - at best they were NCO's. I was the captain - colonel - commander. I invented the Hive. I INVENTED IT.

(In the above picture, it's David that is on the shoulders of Matt Garrett and Lee Dykes. I'm off to the left without my jersey, and with glasses and big metal braces. I've always wanted to be carried off a court. You did this to me, David.)

I told Gabe about the Hive. He said that would work well with their team shirts, which are completely orange with the words "Dangle on 'em" screenprinted in purple; the mass of color would confuse and frighten opponents. I told him I vomited Chef Boyardee onto a life raft and it spelled out "HELP," but in those same colors. We both agreed it was a coincidence.