"YO YO YO YOU GURL I SEE YOU DROPING THAT THANG WEARING THEM BELLS WITH YOUR ECKO WHITES! WE BE GOING TO CHAPTA TOGETHER TONIGHT!"
It went on for several sentences. When she came into lunch, all the girls stood up and yelled, "YO YO YO." She was embarrassed, not only because the chapter read it, but because somehow it got sent to the head of their National Advisor, an older woman who sits on the National Council. She had to explain what Ecko whites were. To me. I didn't know.
I'm going to cheat with this post and copy some emails that I sent to the chapter in preparation for our Laser Quest. I realize 75% of my reader base is fraternity brothers, but this is for the four friends I have that aren't in BYX. Pertinent information includes our fraternity's Mom's Day was Saturday, and also I can say whatever I want because I'm a senior.
Is your mom not coming till Saturday? Does your mom live in Fayetteville and you don't necessarily want to hang out with her on a Friday night? Then put your face next to my shoe because I'm about to give you a kick in the teeth!
Tron here. I've reserved 10 spots at Laser Quest this Friday from 8 to 9; I need fellow soldiers. I'm talking about LASERS - the kind they use to create fractals and experiment on turltes with. It's going to be BIBLICAL, but instead of trumpets, angels are blowing LASERS out of their mouths and making Venus implode! Imagine that - there are few who can.
It costs 14 dollars a man. For 14 dollars, we get two twenty minute games in a huge arena involving thirty puntable children, and we also get our own party room for downtime. Like a birthday! But instead of a cake, we're eating LASERS and putting a kid's head in a toilet! BYX RULES!
This is a BROTHERHOOD EVENT WITH LASERS! The last time this happened, we had to invade Iraq. Great job Saddam! If you want to go, email me directly at dctrumbo@uark.edu. I need to know by tomorrow night. If we don't have 10 guys, we can't do it. We'll leave Fayetteville around 5, and we'll be back by midnight.
Tron McKnight
This was followed three and a half hours later with another email.
OMG THIS JUST GOT REAL. I just got off the phone with J.C. who works the desk at Laser Quest. That's right - Jesus Christ himself runs that light show. Talk about a sweet retirement gig. It turns out in the two hours between calling him, thirty beautiful girl scouts booked our 8 o'clock time. THIS PLACE IS THAT HOT. It's like that time your cat accidentally crawled into the oven with the meatloaf. Or was it put there?
Nevertheless, our time is now six o'clock on Friday - and this is great news. We'll meet at 3:30 at the IM parking lot because we have to be a Laser Quest in Tulsa at 5:30 for briefing! You can still come if you wear boxers, but prepare to pee in them. AND GUESS WHAT - we're up to twenty people now. To give you some perspective, that's how many skulls are in my basement. That's a lot of laser tag participants!
We're leaving from Baum at 3:00 because I want to be safe - that's how I've been able to keep those skulls in my basement (if you put skeletons in your closet, someone is going to find them. Don't be a moron). If you're leaving before 3:00, text me so I don't have to track you down, retrieve the seven dollars, then put your skull in my basement.
I've attached a pictoral representation for Jessie Green. If he sees it and wants to go, open an email and let him make his mark. He deserves equal treatment.
Jessie Green is our current treasurer. Before he got elected, I started a smear campaign that painted him as illiterate. Though he was still elected, I count the campaign a success because many new members honestly believe he has trouble reading. In the picture he is depicted as a yellow dinosaur.Tron
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