Camp War Eagle Is Recruiting

This week at the University, Camp War Eagle is recruiting. They have booths set up outside of dining halls and the Student Union, and it's supposed to rain all week. But think of it as little tap tap taps of angels, saying, "Way to go!"

To encourage you to apply, I thought I'd tell a story. All counselors at War Eagle who work for more than four weeks are usually required to serve at least two weeks on the maintenance crew, which is called SWAT in a silly attempt at an acronym that I won't talk about. On SWAT, there are fifteen plus counselors who have grown to hate kids and need a break; they take two weeks off, and instead of play with campers, they clean dishes and set up for events. After two weeks, they have been driven so insane by this work, they'll do anything to escape, even work with kids.

This past summer, I was on SWAT for the second and third sessions, which are the third and fourth week of camp. For the previous two weeks, I had ten punk rock sixteen year olds who could only find words that ended in question marks or angst accents. I really hated campers after that, and on SWAT, I was searching for an outlet. I found it in the SWAT Monster.

I worked in the dish pit, taking metal cafeteria trays from kids and stacking them for the dish washer. Putting on a climbing harness and skate park pads, I tied myself to one of the large kitchen appliances in the pit and began acting like an animal. I ate leftover food, drank out of the slop bucket, smeared my face with ketsup. Sometimes, during lulls, my coworkers would take me out on all fours, using the harness and rope as a leash, and let me attack campers.

Kids loved it. They were fascinated, and during picnics, when I'd crouch by the trashcans like a gorilla, they'd feed me out of their hands. And I ate everything they gave me - ice cream, burgers, chips in barbarcue sauce, old apples, grass, raw eggs. As a result, I think I contracted salmonella. And that's why you should work at War Eagle